Hello all,
Sorry for the delay in posting anything! My original appointment was cancelled and my new one isn't until the 6th of June, Of course I'll update you.
TMI warning.......................................
My thrush has suddenly decided to improve. I gave in and put a bit of 1% cream on ONCE. That's right, one dose. It's taking the piss, frankly. The next day, it was barely itching at all. Now, you'll know, I was given creams, pills and EVERYTHING gave up for ages and decided to just grin and bare it. About a week ago, it was itching so bad, that I put cream on like I have tons of times. This time, it seems to have worked. Don't ask me why, but I am just relieved. Some soreness is still there, but it's nothing compared to what it was like before.
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Before I go on, I should say that never intended for this blog to feature anything about my compulsive eating problem. However, I do need to lay out my feelings regarding it somewhere and this is a health blog, after all.
The reasons I eat are many. First and foremost, I like the taste of foods. Nothing annoys me more, than the theories about emotional eating. I am not a woman who reaches for the ice-cream every time anyone upsets me, nor do I use food to cheer myself up. Rather, I feel better emotionally when I eat well.
Dear reader, it would be fair at this point, to ask 'why don't you eat well, all the time?' Well, yeah. Why don't I? The reasons stem from the fact that I am a social eater. I love eating out at family pubs with my friends or going to the cinema. Here is an admittance too, I am HIGHLY suggestible in social situations. At least, in a food sense. If people are eating around me it's almost as if, a switch flips mentally and it feels fine to eat too. Someone says take-away, I nod, then end up eating pizza or chicken till I am full and fighting the urge to regurgitate it all, as soon as possible. Vomiting has been replaced in my mental guilt triggers. I now choke very easily and sometimes will gag.
Lately, the binge eating has been getting out of control again. No reason that I can fathom, except for the fact that we've been quite social, eaten out a few times. One thing I am noting, the more I eat, the more it takes for me to feel full at home. My man and I are creatures of habit too, which can often make me want to eat certain foods on certain days. The anticipation of those foods, makes me hungry and unfulfilled if I don't get them. I can't stand myself when I relapse, it has to stop now.
In a side note: I don't need motivational lessons and critique's from the skinny carers, who see me in the shower every day. Nether do I need them, reminding how well I was doing. It only makes me want to lock myself up and stick my fingers down my throat. I'm trying I really am......
Normal chat will resume next post..
Sorry for not writing more often. I haven't had a lot to report, which seems like a good thing.
Anyhow, you'll get a bigger post after the 17th, when I have been to see my consultant at GYN. I can report that I am still yet to have a period and that technically, I am 2 months "overdue. " anyone with PCOS, will relate to the feeling that dates don't count for much anymore, not at this stage anyway. It's just a case of waiting to see if you get one EVER.
On a slightly lighter note : Over the last few weeks, my man has seemed a little bit indifferent to the baby question. We did agree NOT to let it take over our lives, so we are pretty relaxed as a whole. It's always been important to enjoy our relationship and each other, first.
However, it seems fate is poking us. We have a favourite restaurant we eat at regularly, we go on a Saturday and it's always full of kids and their families. We always seem to see the CUTEST babies (note: I'm not broody to the extent that seeing babies gets to me hugely, so I'm not looking for them) My man always notices them before me and will say "look behind you, that little girl's amazing!" He then does the pulling faces thing and gets all kids around him giggling like mad! It's the most magical thing to me, especially since he can be a grumpy fuck at times. It gives me hope! I just knows he's going to be an amazing dad.
That's all for now. More soon.
